About adolecent suicide

A disturbing trend are the high rates of suicides and suicidal attempts among our adolescent population.  Adolescence usually is a very special stage in life that presents different sort of challenges and difficulties, also particular kind of emotions and behaviours many times difficult to precise from the outside, because as exterior observers sometimes those inner emotional / affective movements that are happening in front of us but we cannot exactly perceive their real meaning and give them proper interpretation, neither parents and teachers, even if those inner issues are causing interior troubles to the adolescent himself.

We may see also many characteristics proper of the adolescent stage of biological and emotional development, including as well the inner and outer turmoil that is inherent to this life stage, but that not necessarily have to lead to suicidal fantasies, ideation and attempts, sadly so often successful. Is the deep importance of thinking why that negative development happens to many kids to the point of being the second cause of dead in Canadian adolescents. Psychiatrist H.S. Sullivan stated a while ago in his “Clinical
Studies in Psychiatry” (Sullivan 1956, Norton & Co. New York), how no-body gets cured for good of adolescence. A portion of that remains in almost all of us, as some inner adolescent spots come from our past time experiences. That happens in spite of us, also mature developed adults, and those stances happen to be inserted in our unconscious self.   It is deeply interesting to think that these possible situations happen even if we are “complete” emotionally mature persons in our awareness and we believe we are.

Life is our really interesting common human experience, on which happiness and pain go together or in senoidal lines as the Ying and Yang on the Taoist philosophy.   But is not clear if we do really know what adolescence is about on present time.  Is important, however, as we often observe how the “adolescent- stress” seems to be present  as  a continuum in this modern way of living, and seems to be so difficult to solve or overcome by the adolescent him/herself, that often leads to self-destructive behaviours.

Our modern society is not well prepared for dealing with the reactions
of kids not willing to live or not able to face their living difficulties, or  some times for them impossible to understand why to live is really meaningful.

Adolescent suicide is actually a more spread problem in wealthy countries, and clearly not that frequent in developing and poor counties. Africa is a poor continent but their adolescents’ are not that suicidal as it happens in North-America. We do know adolescent suicide is deeply related to the interpersonal and social environment, and the influence of personal and cultural surroundings.  The basic intra-personal features begin to be shaped since the starting moment of individual life.   But is also deeply related
to influences coming from their families, school and socio-cultural structures.

Factors of social intolerance like homosexuality and bullying are strong producers of high amounts of adolescent distress.

Family background may sometimes allow seeing some links to the traditional
psychopathology but this is not a necessary factor because these phenomenon needs to be addressed on a boarder public health perspective and not only into the window of traditional classifications as these are basically personal but socio-cultural events.

Many times that socio-cultural influences may produce really negative responses in adolescents. Here are included the most primary
infantile experiences even if they are hidden, thus not presents in people’s conscious mind.  Also when there is the presence of an unfortunate factor for example some kind of mental disorder or dysfunction, the rates of suicide becomes higher than in normal teens (Isaac and Armat, 1990).

We find different notes on literature related to the experience of feeling so bad about oneself, and everything leading to not finding any kind of solution, whichever could be the sort of problem. For example, “A vague spooky restlessness had gained gradual momentum until my nights were without sleep and my days were pervaded by a gray drizzle of unrelenting horror. This horror is virtually indescribable since it bears no relation to normal experience” wrote William Styron.

Adolescents often are struggling with difficult situations either objective or subjective, or both of them. Depending on their developmental life experience, they may or may not be prepared for coping with such kind of difficult personal situations.  An appropriate personality development may prepare kids for coping and having the adequate ego-structure when life produce those high problematic and demands.

But an improper, non-well balanced developmental life experience, produce a not sufficient and adequate ego structure. That gets to weak defense-mechanisms, not enough developed and adequate to what their reality needs to cope with, and allows to not having the emotional tools for dealing and solving those strong reality demands that “to live “can bring into kids lives.

Their young self ,in its maturation process is not jet working at the necessary level for coping with the tensions which can become the starting point for thinking about their own personal destruction, and in such way is inundated by anguish, diffuse-anxiety, strong fears and perhaps even depression, overwhelmed for having in mind confusing feelings and ideas.  This way their accent becomes stronger not only on personal dead, as this process is not just about kids’ personal decease. It is a strong response about: “there will be not problems any more, not pain anymore and suffering not any-more…”  and that way personal dead become only possible “solution”.  To die is not the problem because that is instead the open door to the “solution”. And when the young individual mind gets its complete focus on “the solution is to die” the adolescent as a whole becomes self-centered on reaching that for him/her unique goal. That way the possible or expected fears about dying become absolutely covered by the total and final ending of their suffering. That blinds the mind directed in that sole way of action.

When we seesuicidal ideation and suicide attempts in adolescents, let us also think this kids live immerse in their social context and into many interpersonal influences.  What is really happening into general society, families and school dynamics for this trend to continue going on, for allowing themselves to have at the same time suicidal kids and implacable bullying?

Can we think, as deeply affected families and society, which are the deep roots about this phenomenon? I believe that we do not completely understand well the reasons, and do not know how to stop the actions.  We are not having here just individual cases: we have broad personal, families and socio-cultural factors working insidiously and sometimes unconsciously, out of our awareness. We all are the product of the culture and society we live-into.

I will continue exporing this topic in future posts. Stay tunned and send me your comments.

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About Intimacy

Intimacy is such an important aspect of human living; it deals with our need and ability to relate to one another, as we need to live in an interpersonal context.

Intimacy is about developing positive feelings toward other human beings and is a process that starts at the very beginning of our life. Humans’ first relation with intimacy develops from the mother-child relationship. That first and earliest bond will be the reference point upon which subsequent relationships will be built. Intimacy is part of those inner processes that develop inside human mind and brain, on many stages out of our awareness, in an unconscious but active and continuous way.

When we see intimacy can be related to people sexual life. Intimacy may occur with or without any special sort of affection or love to the other person. This way sex works is as a need or pulsional satisfaction but not at the same time as an affective interpersonal relationship. This is the “pleasure principle” meaning the seeking of just satisfaction and not the fulfillment of the individual as a whole. In Sullivan terms would be the human tendency to satisfaction, dissociated from our “seeking security tendencies”. We can find also the concept referring to our affective/emotional life, in many people deeply bonded, associated, to our sexual life. This way as an Ego function, dissociation or repression works in an unconscious way, excluded from the individuals’ awareness. It is happening but we have not idea about that running outside of our mind. Intimacy means love and sex together, and non-intimacy means that sex and love not linked, they are going in separated ways, and thus having different kind of emotional and behavioral consequences in peoples’ lives. Needs and drives, implies search for satisfaction looking how intense are sexual impulses in most people lives.

Freud described how our search for satisfaction often collides with social “reality principle” as pleasure cannot be satisfied because interpersonal and social reality makes that only possible under certain conditions. Sullivan latter showed how human behavior leads also in search of emotional/affective filling of our “security inner needs”.

Talking in simple terms, security and satisfaction are two main needs of the human mind with clear paths into our brain. Both terms have to be understood in a broad sense, on this note referred mostly to affection and sexuality. Due to reality presence, that makes impulses (drives) and wishes to be repressed, frustration begins to appear in infants’ life since the earliest stages of it. This leads us to think how we humans can learn to deal with “frustration” on many different ways may be present on our daily living. And we can see that many people might never learn completely.

We will continue talking about needs, drives and frustration in other posts. But for now recall that fulfillment as a whole is a human realization as well.

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Resolving difficulties in committed relationships through communication

A committed relationship can be fulfilling!

Certainly we all need to have a good and stable relation with our significant other. With time successful relationships contribute to a sense of fulfillment and happiness.
Relationships are very important for us to reach and maintain our emotional inner balance, and ultimately to enjoy living. However, couples have tensions and difficulties and often these are not easy to solve.Today let me focus on a few points that although simple can help you to find a constructive way to navigate through these tensions by establishing a healthy communication.

When two people live together there are situations that are hard to cope with and may lead to superficial or deeper issues. Superficial issues by definition are those that may be fixed in an easy way, especially when there is good verbal and emotional communication. The key is to be willing to communicate and to do it in a successful manner. When communication works effectively, couples have in their hands an important tool to find solutions by themselves.

When deeper conflicts arise, even if couples are willing to communicate, the difficulty of the issue prevents them from finding an effective communication. This is because couples cannot find and appropriate way to reach each other in a constructive way. In some cases giving a clear and objective explanation of the issue is difficult due to feelings of shame and even pain. These feelings often make it impossible for them find a good starting point to establish a dialogue and find a solution.

When this happens remember these principles:

  1. Find HOW to do it. Maybe a symbolic gesture is a good starting point. Remember communication is not only achieved through words.
  2. Find the WHEN to talk. Pick a time when both parties have less barriers, are less defensive, and are in a good environment. Often it is better to wait until both have calmed down before addressing the issue.
  3. Determine the APPROPRIATE ATTITUDE to express yourself. This can be done by putting yourself in the other person position, and keeping in mind the other feelings. Be constructive, not authoritative, choose your words carefully.
  4. Find when is your partner in a PROPER MOOD to listen to you.These principles seem easy but some times are difficult to apply. They can help you start a conversation about painful issues, establish the proper way to talk, the proper self-attitude to produce a good reaction, all this to avoid been rejected.

If you find that following these principles is not enough to establish a good communication, then it may be useful to find a competent third party that can help. Often a couple of sessions of counselling are be really helpful. When you are in the middle of the tsunami you may need assistance. Be aware on time that the boat is sinking. The counsellor will act as a house-light for you and your couple. It is good to get assistance when you may still swim and possibly be able to save your relationship, instead of waiting for the situation to be so far along that you may not be able to find an appropriate way for a resolution.

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How stress causes trouble in relationships

Stress affects individuals causing dysfunctional behaviours as well as many sorts of emotional and physical symptoms. Stress also affects couples in similar ways. The manifestations of stress can be more difficult to identify for couples relative to individuals. This is … Continue reading

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Hello world!

Welcome to my new site. This is my first post. In this site you find now my blog and my website integrated in one. Stay tunned!

Alvaro

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